How to Find Out What Engagement Ring She Wants, Without Guessing

The short answer: the most reliable way to find out what engagement ring she wants is to let her tell you, in a way that keeps the proposal a surprise. Snooping on her Pinterest and asking her best friend can get you close. Her own answers get you the ring.

Most people buying an engagement ring are guessing at four things at once: the diamond shape, the setting style, the metal, and her size. Get one wrong and the ring is close, but not hers. Here's how to get each one right.

What you actually need to know

• Shape. Round, oval, emerald, cushion, radiant, marquise, pear. This is the biggest decision, and the one people have the strongest opinions on.
• Setting. Does she want the stone up high and catching light, or low and close to the hand? Plain band or diamonds down the side?
• Metal. Yellow, white or rose. Look at what she already wears every day.
• Size. Her ring finger size, ideally measured, not estimated.
• The details. Band width, how big a stone she'd actually wear, anything she has said she would never want.

Five ways to find out

1. Look at the jewellery she already wears

Her everyday rings and earrings tell you her metal and her scale. Mostly gold? Start there. Delicate, thin pieces? She probably won't want a wide band. It won't tell you her shape, but it rules a lot out.

The same ring in three metals. Match it to what she already wears.

2. Check her saved pins and screenshots

If she has a ring board, it's the closest thing to a brief. Look for patterns, not one ring. Five ovals in yellow gold is a clear answer. One of everything means she hasn't decided, and you shouldn't decide for her.

3. Ask the person she'd tell

A sister or best friend often knows. The risk is that secrets travel, and you're getting her taste second hand.

4. Talk about other people's rings

Engagements in your circle are a natural opening. "What did you think of hers?" gets you a reaction without a direct question. Useful, but you'll only ever hear about the rings you happen to see.

5. Let her pick, privately

This is the one that actually works. Plenty of couples talk about rings before a proposal. What she wants is rarely the surprise. When and how you ask is.

That's why we built the Ring Report. You send her a short set of questions. She picks her shape, setting, metal, size and the details only she would know, and can add photos or a Pinterest link. Her answers come back to you as one page that says exactly which ring. It takes her about five minutes and it's free.

If she's the one dropping hints, she can start it herself and send it to you.

How to find her ring size without asking

Borrow a ring she wears on her ring finger and take it to any local jeweller. They'll measure it in a couple of minutes, usually for free. Know which hand she wears it on, since fingers aren't always the same size. If you can't get a ring, the Ring Report asks for her size, and our Ring Size Guide covers every other scenario.

If you're still off, every OLVR ring comes with one free resize, up to three quarters of a size, in the first year.

Turning her answers into the ring

Once you know what she wants, you have two ways to go:

• Build it. Our ring builder lets you pick the style, shape and metal, then choose a certified diamond with every price shown up front.
• Have us build it. Send us her Ring Report and we'll put the ring together for you and come back with a price. If she wants something none of our styles do, we can design it from scratch with you through Bespoke.

Either way, you see a rendering of the ring before anything is made, and it's about four weeks from design approval to your door.

Common questions

Will she know I'm about to propose if I send her the Ring Report?

She'll know rings are on your mind. Most couples are past that point. What stays a surprise is the moment, and you know the ring is right.

What if she says she doesn't care?

She usually cares about at least one thing, shape or metal. Ask about those two and you've done most of the work.

What if her answers are all over the place?

That's normal. Send us the report and we'll help you narrow it down. You can book a 15 minute call with no pitch.